Identity Shift

Last night I decided to change the fundamental definition of who I am. I am not a biker, hippie, engineer, manager, Raider Fan, athlete, expatriot, addict, depressed person, stressed person, loadie, or bitter man. These are part of who I have been, but they are not who I am or want to be.

No, the truth is that I am a nice guy. That's it, and no more.

Sound boring? Sound simple? Simple yes, boring no. Not boring at all because being nice means lots more contact with people. Especially cute women-type people. In fact, there are many great benefits I can think of:

* Better and more frequent contact with people
* Peace of mind
* Long-term friendships
* More loving relationships
* Friendlier environment, wherever you go
* Lower blood pressure
* Reduced stress
* Increased focus
* Easier to help friends and relatives
* Know that you've helped others at the end of your life (priceless)

So why haven't I done this sooner? The reason is fear. I am afraid of being called gay or a pussy, afraid of being thought of as a softie, afraid that some bully might take my lunch money or beat me up in a bar, afraid that I might get taken advantage of in a relationship.

This of course is hogwash. I am in no way homosexual, and I'm fully capable of handling most any situation I get into. While standing on my foundation I'm ready for anything.

Let me be clear about this. I am going to stand strong in the face of all of the liars, theives, traitors and bullys and not take their BS. Being a nice guy does not mean being weak. Quite the opposite. I will get strong and stay strong because I am centered on my beliefs and know that I am doing the right thing. However, as always, I will seek to reduce or eliminate conflict wherever possible. That's the nice thing to do.

I also want to address people who think this isn't enough. You can't just be a nice guy, can you? My answer to them is that this is my identity. It probably isn't enough for most people. In my case, I am a very nice guy, and during those times in my life when I acted accordingly I have been extremely happy. In fact, those are the happiest times of my life. When I'm not nice, I'm miserable. So this is who I was meant to be. Not who they are meant to be.

The final fear to address is that I won't get laid because chicks dig tough guys. Well, I've tried being a tough guy and it got me exactly zero dates. On the other hand, when I've been a nice guy, I've had many women in my life, including very beautiful ones. This one is so slam dunk obvious it's amazing I ever listened to it.

It is now 24 hours since I made the decision, and I'm still discovering the implications this will have on my life. It's not every day you change your basic identity. I mean, this affects my attitude towards everything. It affects every minute of every day. Based on what I've been experiencing so far, this may be the best decision I have ever made.